Choices

New or old?

As eccentric as classic car enthusiasts are considered (by my Mrs., for example), our time is at hand. Very soon, everyone who actually enjoys driving will be joining us. Because driving a modern car has become about as enjoyable as a prostate exam by Edward Scissorhands.

Let's start with ADAS - Advanced Driver Assistance Systems - which sounds helpful until you realise it actually stands for "Actively Destroying All Satisfaction." Since 2022, every new car sold in the EU and UK must have this electronic nanny fitted as standard. You're essentially paying to be lectured by a machine that has the personality of a speed camera and the common sense of a traffic warden.

It bongs when you edge 1mph over the limit. It beeps if it thinks you're not paying attention - which you probably won’t be if you’ve ever tried using the screens that replace switches. And best of all, it yanks the steering wheel out of your hands if it spots a white line while you’re trying to avoid a pothole the size of Wales.

Then there's AEB - Automatic Emergency Braking - which sounds marvellous until it decides you're about to crash into something that doesn't exist, and slams the anchors on in the outside lane of the M25

Now, you'd think that all this nonsense would be optional. Or at the very least, you could turn it off and leave it off. You'd be wrong. Disabling this electronic harassment takes longer than the actual journey, and you have to repeat the process every single time you turn the key. If you're in an unfamiliar car, you've got more chance of solving a Rubik's cube blindfolded. The process is make, model, and even year specific. You might actually have to read the manual - the automotive equivalent of taking the bus.

But wait! There’s more! Every new car now comes with a built-in informant. A grass. A digital Stasi agent sitting in your dashboard, logging everything: where you went, when, how fast, your cornering g-forces, whether you used cruise control, and - God forbid - whether you dared switch off eco mode (or ADAS!). The manufacturers can access this data whenever they fancy. In some markets, they sell it! Your driving habits, flogged to the highest bidder (or insurance company?). And if the authorities come knocking? That data gets handed over faster than you can say “privacy settings”.

Of course, the UK’s army of ANPR cameras already has you covered, but the car’s black box fills in any gaps nicely. In 2007, there were around 127,000 speeding offences recorded in the UK. By 2024? Roughly 750,000. That's a 600% increase. The explosion of 20mph zones - cunningly positioned on roads that were perfectly safe at 30 - is only accelerating this gold rush.

Parking’s the same story: in less than ten years, parking tickets issued in the UK have doubled, from around 7.5 million in 2018 to 16 million in 2025. It's not about road safety; it's about revenue. Traffic enforcement has become Britain's most profitable industry after financial services and complaining about the weather.

Then pile on the taxes. VAT at 20%. Fuel duty at 53p per litre. Road tax up to £5,490 - I've bought entire cars for less! ULEZ charges. LEZ charges. Congestion charges. And lurking in the near future like a mugger in an alley: pay-per-mile charges. The modern motorist is being milked harder than a dairy farm in the Cotswolds.

Oh, and the price for the privilege of all this surveillance and taxation? That'll be ~£40,000, please - because that's what the average new car costs now. Ten years ago it was ~£20k. It’s doubled. And then depreciation hits you like a brick through the windscreen. Keep it three years and you've lost more money than Greece.

Now, compare that joyless, expensive, privacy-invading nightmare to a classic car:

• No ADAS telling you how to drive

• No digital snitch logging your every move

• No eye-watering monthly payments - you bought it, you own it, end of

• Zero road tax if it’s over 40 years old

• No ULEZ, LEZ, or whatever other acronym they’ve cooked up to fleece you

• No VAT on the purchase - because it’s not “new,” it’s merely brilliant

• Minimal depreciation - it might actually appreciate?

• You can fix it yourself if you’re mechanically inclined, instead of being held hostage by a dealer charging £180/hour to plug in a laptop

So tell me - who's the real eccentric here? The chap pootling along in a charming, analogue machine that doesn't judge him, lecture him, grass him up, or bankrupt him... or the poor sod who's just signed a five-year PCP deal on a £45,000 rolling surveillance van that treats him like a naughty cash-cow?

The classics aren't just surviving - they're staging an uprising. They're the last bastion of actual driving enjoyment in a world determined to turn motoring into a joyless, sanitised, monetised trudge. See you on the road - I'll be the one grinning without the bongs, beeps, or Big Brother.